I'm Not Even Going to Try to Explain This.

I heard there was a secret call
To Dominoes, and it pleased us all
But you don't really care for pizza, do you?
Well it goes like this: Some salami
Extra cheese, no anchovy
The baffled call composing pepperoni.

Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni...

Well the taste was good, but needed spice
We'd hoped double jalapenos would suffice
The heat of this new pizza overthrew you
We tied you to the kitchen chair
Force-fed you spice and it wasn't fair
But from your burnt lips we made some pepperoni

Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni...

Baby I've been here before
I've ordered double cheese and I've wanted more
I used eat alone before I knew you
I've seen your diet plan for March
You say pizza's just a source of starch
But I think there's protein in pepperoni

Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni...

Well there was a time when you let me know
Which topping's calorie count was low
But now you never share that with me do you?
But remember: we're too fat to move
And our family doctor disapproves
There's some heart problems involved with pepperoni

Well, maybe we have pizza breath
And pizza love will cause our death
But we can't escape an urge for more anchovy
It's not a food to eat all the time
Unless you steal from the fridge at night
If you don't mind cold, leftover pepperoni

Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni...


*single tear*

I promise:

I will never suppress my intelligence for the sake of friendship, or even a relationship, ever again.
I will attempt to eat more than half a meal per day.
Five miniature marshmallows do not count as a meal. Noodles are not a food group.
I will find Afro Dave a girlfriend so that he does not talk about sex 24/7, so my dad can bear to drink with him again, so that I can still get drinks bought for me on a regular basis without getting my boobies out.
I will not get my boobies out for free drinks.

I will pass my exams, take the best English and creative writing course in the country, at the fourth best university, and use my success to shit on everyone else's dreams for a change.